Errr … well ………. yeah 😀
Ok so we’re faced with the usual scenario that I blabber on about, “The morning commuter ‘seat spotting’ ” (.. incidentally “seat spotting” is to be included in the 2008 Olympics so I hear! – random fact there for you!) – I’m standing in my spot on the platform and notice that there is an esteemed city gent and his ‘wife’ (was most probably his slightly younger ‘mutton dressed as lamb / how much cheap eau de tear gas can I put on in one day’ girlfriend but anyway..) – the gent was, as H likes to call us, a “pro” when it comes to seat spotting, which is fair enough, however it was clear from the start that little miss mutton was not only an amateur but was clearly a rookie! Oh dear!
The train chugs into the station and we all get ready for the doors. They land straight on my mark and we’re all looking good so far. The doors open and the zombies stroll off – (I know that I’ve shoved in tonnes and tonnes of brackets and quotes but this ‘tip of the day’ is a good one! – …. when you are seat spotting can I give away a big tip and let you know one of the key key secrets? .. ok here goes…. when you are working out which side of the carriage to join, can I suggest that you take note of where the main exit or stairs are, as this will give you the general direction of where people are aiming to get to. Therefore, let’s say that there are 12 coaches of a train and that the exit is positioned at coach 6, people in say coach 2 will be more likely exiting from the doors nearest to the middle of the train – therefore if you stand at the doors next to coach 1, although you will get a few drifters coming out, you are more likely to board the train before the commuters at the other door for coach 2 – hehe – keep that one under your hat .. (common sense I know but you’d be surprised!) ……… ok so we’re back in the room …… well back at the platform, sorry … the zombies are strolling off and I’m poised to get on – a gold medal competitor launches on and sits herself down in a two seater (the only two seater available as it’s pretty rammed!) – nicely done. The crusty old bloke … err I mean esteemed city gent is next on and walks over to her and just stares at her, expecting her to 1) know that he was with the mutton and 2) give up her seat so that the two love birds can sit together .. yeah right mate! – I sit myself down on a six-seater on the end with a spare seat … now he’s staring at me expecting me to give up my seat – well I was considering it, however the way that he started getting annoyed at the fact that the woman hadn’t I sat there and said to myself “f*** ’em” – in all their dithering, everyone else who was sensible was sitting down while they huffed and puffed. When skilfully done it can seem like a swarm of ants taking the seats, however now they were only left with the two seats that no-one ever wants in the middle of the six-seaters opposite each other. They huffed and puffed some more (and probably blew down a few little houses) and eventually sat down with the mutton next to me …. mmm the perfume delights! They started verbally complaining about the woman not letting them sit together and then the mutton said “well don’t worry about it because she is just stupid for doing that” – WTF!! shut up you stupid cow! Get a life – I was so livid at her comments that I made sure I did the blokey thing and opened my legs up as much as possible and made sure she got a few elbows as well! I’m sure she had a very comfortable trip into London – hehe.
The morale of the story here is it’s everyone for themselves in a morning commute and just get on with it – there are plenty of other things in life to worry about …like what the hell am I gonna have for lunch ! hehe