Humperdinckalings train journey – 26/09
Within my group of workmates I have by far the longest journey to and from work. As I live out in the sticks (don’t blame me my parents chose it, I was just born into that village!) It takes an Hour and 45 mins door to door with 1 hour 30 of that being spent on the train. That equates to 3 hours a day, 15 hours a week, 2.7 dys a month, 1 month and 1.5 days a year sitting on that train. For this privelage I pay £4200. As I spend a large proportion of my life sitting on the train (Not including delays for example it once took my 5 hours to get home on a friday evening!) My train journeys are important to me and i like them to run as smooth and hassle free as possible. Doesn’t everyone?So when things like last night happen i get pretty pissed off!
To fill you in….. Last night i get on my normal train and pick a seat with a little extra leg room ( I know i’m not a needy person but if one was to get on, unlike others, i would give up my seat). So you can picture it I was in one of the section with two opposite two. I sit closest to the window. A little after I sit down the train really starts to fill up and the seat next to me is taken. The man in question who decided to occupy this seat was a typical city type gent. Grey suit, brolly, breifcase, obnoxious! He sits down spreads his legs an crushes me up against the window. I despartaly try and fight back but withouit wanting to look like a bloke and wrestle him for leg space in the same way he had i concede defeat and think at least i can stretch them forwards a little. As soon as he had walked into the carriage I had smelt him, although it wasn’t until he had sat down that i had located the smell to him and by this time all seats were taken and i had knowhere to run to! My typical city gent who had sat down next to me smelt like he had been in the pub for the entire day and during the course of his session had drank enough red wine to impress even Amy Wino-winehouse. So I had nowhere to run, and i had nowhere to hide form the death breath of an alcoholic city gent who had also during the course of the day eaten by the smell of it two cloves of garlic and smoked 100 cigars! the worst was still to come….
…….about ten minutes into the journey he fell asleep, started snoring with his head pointed at me (breath and all) and then proceeded to get louder and louder, closer and closer until he was lying on my shoulder. At the half hour point of the journey i was so close to the window i could taste the hair gel of the last city gent to fall asleep on the widow! But what could i do? sit it out? wake him up? everyone was staring! Perhaps what i did was cruel but by he hour mark of the journey i had had enough! So i stamped on his foot! He woke up with such a jump! He looked really confused! as he had been asleep he hadn’t a clue who did it! And as he realised he was asleep on me was too embarrassed to say anything as everyone was staring! consequently it turns out the man had missed his stop!!! ha ha he deserved it!
With Half hour left to go I then developed a nasty bout of very loud hiccups – Karma some may say?…..